Kassiah's Story

Okay, so my last post was when I finally received Christ and began to change my life. Since then I have continued to take back what has been stolen from me, but I felt like I should began to tell what I'm taking back. I believe instead of hiding or being embarrassed that I should began my healing process by telling my story.

In August of 2005, I was 19 years old and a rising sophomore at the University of Tennessee at Chattanooga. Like every college student I loved to have fun, but for me I barely attended church. Since I made good grades during my freshman year my dad rewarded me with a new car. Well it was used, but it was new to me and I loved it. I was so excited. It was a 1997 Toyota Camry in the color of green. I finally felt more like an adult, because before this car I was driving a van and I felt like a soccer mom. LOL!!!

I began driving my car everywhere. To work, to take my sister places, to pick up friends. You name it I was there and I was driving my car. Until one day, me and my sister were driving to get our hair done in East Knoxville. I was driving just fine on the interstate, until my heart began to race, my hands were sweaty, and I began to have a fear of not being able to control the car. I was scared and I was going at least 70 mph. Then out of fear and not knowing what else to do, I completely put on my brakes in the car and stopped on the interstate. Monique was screaming and yelling telling me to get off the interstate. Thanks to God, when I looked in my rear view mirror, there wasn't any car near to hit us. I got off the interstate and drove the rest of the way on the main roads to the beauty salon.

What I experienced was my first of many panic attacks while driving. It's a terrible feeling and made me feel helpless. Well from that day on I began trying to drive on the interstate, but I continued to have panic attacks. So i decided that until I get myself together that I needed to just drive main roads for awhile and leave the interstate alone. But one day as I was driving my sister and cousin Jameica to Church I had another panic attack down the street from my house. I slammed on the breaks and Monique began to scream and tell me to pull over and let her drive. I didn't let her drive and I continued and made it to church scared and confused out of my mind.

From that day I continued to drive and hoped that the fear would go away, but it didn't. It continued to get worse. I didn't get to take my car with me to Chattanooga that year. It broke my heart. All my friends brought their cars down, but I had to make up excuses for why mine stayed at home.

I transferred to UTK that next fall and hoped that I would fine a "cure" for my panic attacks. I began seeing a psychologist and a psychiatrist hoping they would help me find an answer. I was put on 10 milligrams of lexapro that the doctor assured would help me with my driving anxiety. It worked a little and helped me get around the city, but the quick so called fix didn't last long.

Before I knew it, things were getting worse and worse. I began to drive less and less, until I finally stopped driving. I was scared and felt hopeless. Without driving I began to depend on alot of people especially my family. My little sister Monique has helped me out so much and i will never be able to thank her enough for taking time out of her life to help me. I know that me not driving has caused alot of our arguments, but it brought us closer together and she can say she has been there with me all the way. My dad has helped me alot too. He has driven me and picked me up from anywhere I needed. He never complains he just does it. He even gives me word from the bible even though sometimes I didn't want to hear it. My mom also helps. She has picked me up from work many times and driven me out late at night when I need something. She never has been unwilling to help me. Also my best friend Natalie has driven me all over Knoxville and has invited me to go many places and given me rides to where ever I needed.

When I finally came to my senses and gave this problem or set back to God, things began to change. I noticed a felt better about myself and that it was easier to talk to God and give Him my problems instead of trying to find help in man. I have been driving a little more. At first it was a struggle, but I'm taking one step at a time. When I first started back I would have panic attacks, but now I have noticed that I'm not having panic attacks, but I have a feeling in the back of my mind that I will have one. I don't drive far at all, but I'm thankful for the blessing of no panic attacks.

Some days are better than others. Sometimes I sit and think about those who have laughed at me and talked bad about me, because of my problem. It hurts my feelings and makes me not want to tell others my issue, because they may look at me differently. Some days I have great days with minimal nervousness in general and some days I spend alot of time praying and asking God to get me through the day. Since me and Monique have talked with Minister Watkins and she prayed for us my general anxiety issues are leaving too. I feel more calm and more happy.

To end this, I just want to talk a little about what happened today. Today me and my dad were driving to Lexington, TN to pay a speeding ticket for Monique. On the way back it was still slick from the rain from earlier and an SUV began to spin out of control and flipped into a ditch. It scared me so bad and had me second guessing driving. The guy was fine and made it out of his vehicle with no injuries, but I was just scared and my mind continued to wander. But I know that everything happens for a reason and that God always has a hedge of protection over my family, because we are not done doing God's work.

If you're wondering what happened to my first car. Today it is being sold. I didn't want it to go, but it's for the best. It will help my healing process and plus I will be able to buy another car with this money as I continued to drive and shock the world. I don't want to say goodbye to the car, especially since it's going to some people who called themselves my friend, but have spoken evil words over my sister and I, but it's for the best. Their mother is in need and I know she will be very appreciative of the car. I know that someday soon I will be rewarded for helping those in need.

We'll this is my story. I haven't really told anyone this except for those who are close, but I feel this needs to be told. I just hope that it will bless someone and help me with the healing process. Please pray for me. I need alot of encouragement.

I am taking back what the enemy stole from me!!!

So many have no idea what I go through on a daily basis. On the outside I may seem like a happy 22 year old, but really deep inside I have many problems that play a big part in my life everyday. The enemy took something away from me when I was 19 years old that I have recently been trying to get back. I'm not going to tell you exactly what was taken from me, because I will soon have a testimony on how I took back what the enemy stole from me. Some of you on here may already know and others have no clue. So I just want to let everyone know that I am a new person and I have totally given my life over to Jesus Christ. It was long over due. I love God and I will let Him continue to fight my battles. Enemy, I know your looking at this and I just want to let you know that I'm taking my life back and there is nothing you can do about it, but give me back what is mine 7 fold!!!!!!!!!!

Thinking can sometimes hurt.....

So, as I was sitting here thinking about my 4 years and a semester as an undergrad. I began to think of the old days at UTC. My reasoning behind thinking of UTC was when I received a message from my friend Ava asking me if I missed hanging out with the old gang from freshman year. Of course my answer is yes, but thinking of those memories sometimes brings a tear to my eye.
I thought of our rides on Carta to the mall and anywhere else we couldn't get a ride to. The parties we went to almost every weekend. Hanging out in the UC. Our thoughts on becoming Greek. Football and basketball games. Step shows. The shoot outs at parties. Living in Boling. Meeting cute guys. House parties (especially the Que's, LOL). The friends I met while away at school. These are some of the things that make me think about days when life was really fun. When we worried out turning in papers for freshman English and trying to pass math 105.
They say that college years are the best years of a persons life. We'll I would like to say that whoever said that was very right. I wish I could go back to a time when things were simpler. I miss those easy day. I miss my friends. I miss not having to worry about the real world. I just miss everything. If I could go back for a day, I think I would take that wonderful trip down memory lane. My college years at UTC made me into the person I am today. I would give anything to get our old gang back together again for one last day of fun. Before the reality of the real world comes back into play. I miss our fun days at UTC and I will forever cherish the moments we had.